Warning Signs, Part 4

As I continue in Bob Larson's 6 warning signs, the next one is number 4 - Deteriorating Physical and Psychological Health.

Wow what a powerful and often overlooked stage. 

A key fact that Mr. Larson states is that kids, often teenagers, often have mood swings and different stages of health. Pattern and consistency are key.  it is also important to think about how many doctors are getting RICH by prescribing mind and mood altering psychotropic medications to kids.  From ADHD to bi-polar disorder, kids as young as 5 and 6 years old are given these pills in hopes that they get "cured."  What level of cure could happen if parents were just loving and involved???  But I digress. 

Whatever ill a child is dealing with, he/she will often begin exhibiting this form of deterioration.  Younger kids will often experience stomach or headaches, bed wetting, and/or crying.  Older kids and teenagers will withdraw from school, friends, stop doing activities they love, change friends, stop eating, etc.  The mental pain they are going through engulfs their whole world.  As this happens, they fall deeper into the fantasy worlds which i talked about earlier. 

Intervention with this step? A keen eye and an involved parent.  Mr. Larson states it well,

"Don't just focus on what they may be doing, like crying or receding emotionally from the family.  Find out what they feel like doing, what they'd do if they could, even if such talk turns to thoughts of suicide and violence against others." 

Kids who are pushed to the bring of suicide, violence, drugs, and gangs are scared.  They are looking for that person to embrace them through their fears.  It is important for parents to realize that our children are capable or violence.

Warning Signs, Part 3

Escaping Into a Fantasy World

Bob Larson’s third warning sign is a perfect continuation of the previous one, which centered on an absence from family interaction.  While the issue there was the absence itself, I happened to focus on what a kid is doing during that absence, which is more focused on this sign.  When children immerse themselves in positive activities, there is not much concern.  It is sometimes easy to real someone back in when their time and energy is focused on real world events, sports, or reading. 

The issues arise when the escape leads to a fantasy existence.  Role playing games have evolved into second worlds.  I have written a few topics of the dangers of certain video games, which Mr. Larson details as well.  The Columbine HS shooters spent countless hours playing, mastering, and developing their own worlds in the game Doom.  There have been several episodes of the CSI television series centered on the game “Second Life” which allows users to experience an alternate existence.  Users of these games often forget their real lives and develop the minds of their characters.  The violence associated with these games can also be desensitizing to the young mind.  When more and more hours are spent in the fantasy realms, kids lose more of their touch with their real lives.  When the number of at-risk factors or stressors on a kid’s life is in an acceptable or normal range, it is easy to bounce back.  But when the number of stress factors increases, the higher the percentage of harm that can be cause by time spent during these escapes. 

Again, as will continue to be the main focus of most of these writings, parental involvement is key.  No video game is a substitute for family interaction.  Unfortunately, many parents feel that as long as their child is in the home, they are not causing any harm nor at any risk.  If you have a child that plays video games, whether they are console based or computer based, spend some time watching them.  Have them show you the game, the playability, the community.  Read the chat rooms.  And if you see anything alarming, be the parent.

Chadron, Ohio...Thoughts?

Outcast…Nice guy…2 words that do not seem to fit together nor describe the same person.  However, those words were used today to describe T. J. Lane who is accused of shooting 5 people, killing one of them, in the cafeteria of a high school about 30 miles outside of Cleveland, Ohio. 

Early reports are that the suspect was essentially minding his own business during the breakfast period prior to classes when he stood up, pulled out a handgun, and began shooting towards other students.  Witnesses report that this did not seem to be a random act.  The victims attended a different high school and were waiting there for their bus.   The shooter fled the campus and was later apprehended. 

As thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims, what about the shooter.  What prompted T. J. Lane to commit this act?  Here are a few statements made about him after the fact;

• "He was one of the nicest kids here; it was really shocking that it was him"
• "He just came from a really broken down home and he was living with his grandparents"
• "He was more of a quiet type of kid. He was really nice, though, if you did talk to him"
• "A teenager described as an outcast"
• A witness also stated that Lane may have posted about this on a social network site, but that no one took him serious. 

As more details emerge about T J Lane, it will be interesting (to some) to see what motivated him to commit this act.  How many of Bob Larson’s “6 warning signs” did he portray?  Why did he target the students he did?  As the witness pointed out, Lane was a nice kid IF he was talked to.  How many people took the time out to reach out to him?  Was he written off as the “quiet kid from a broken home” and thus was not very popular?  Was he singled out by his peers because he was different or awkward?   I think back to the “Chain Reaction” mindset or Rachel Scott and the Rachel’s Challenge program.  What if the actions of a few, maybe even one student could have altered the course of this day? 

People everywhere are posting and commenting about schools no longer being safe, cherishing every morning with their kids because no one knows where this will happen next, etc.  Parents everywhere over the next few weeks are going to caution their kids about looking out for the quiet ones, to remain vigil and alert, and have a plan in place.  How many parents are teaching their kids to reach out to those that are different?  Do we teach our kids to speak to the loners, to befriend the different, or simply not to partake in the ostracizing of those who are the victims?  

Warning Signs, Part 2

Bob Larson's second warning sign that a child may be at risk is "absence from family interaction." 

Excessive disconnect is easily recognizable, unfortunately, is it chalked up as normal teenage behavior.  While at times it is normal for teenagers to separate themselves from family interaction, there is a difference in separation and absence.  Some separation can be healthy.  Teenagers often drift off into their own worlds of music, games, computers, card games, and/or sports.  It allows them to develop their own habits, their own likes, and their own identity.  What is important is for family members, especially parents, to incorporate themselves into these activities.  Showing an interest in their likes is a way to get them back into the family circle after they have escaped to their own fantasy island. 

Unfortunately, this is often an area where parents fail, which causes those separations to turn to the unwanted, and dangerous absences.  When parents do not show an interest in their child's activities, it further reinforces the thoughts they have of separation.  It is then easier for them to drift further and further away.  In the cases of some of the most notorious school shooters, their escapes led to a point of no return.  The hatred and anger they built up towards those at school and those that tormented them was not replaced by love and interest shown by their parents.  Eventually they were all placed in one big group of "enemies" which left them alone.  With nothing to live for and no perceived love at home, the unthinkable happened.  Regardless of the actual love the parents probably did have for them, their perception was their reality. 

Parents...involve yourselves in the interests of your children.  Show them that what is important to them is also important to you. 

Warning Signs, Part 1

I recently finished reading Extreme Evil: Kids Killing Kids by Bob Larson.  A police officer friend of mine, who works in a high school, asked why I am always reading these types of books.  Another friend said, "that's not recreational reading, that's research."  Either way, I work in schools and I have children so I take in as much information as possible.  In the book, Mr. Larson goes into specific details about the more notorious school shootings.  By interviewing students at the schools and his experiences, he is able to provide insight that is often ignored by the media.  He also writes on violent video games which I have previously touched on.  Over the next few posts, I am going to detail what Mr. Larson titles, "6 Warning Signs A Child Might Be In Trouble."  Mr. Larson does a great job of finding the common traits in the perpetrators of these violent acts and is able to single out the traits that parents can observe, and get help for. 


Trait 1 - "Obsessive Involvement with Immoral and Violent Cultural Influences"

Every generation seems to have an issue with the music and the cultural norms that influence their children.  For years parents have obsessed with controlling what their kids watch on television, listen to, and take part in.  Times change, music changes, and what is allowed on television changes.  Can you remember a time when certain words were not allowed on the radio?  Do you remember who the first husband and wife to share a bed on TV were?  What does all that mean? 

The key words are obsessive, immoral, and violent.  While we cannot always impose our morals on our children, we can control the level of violence we expose them to.  We can also try to control, or curb their level of obsession.  When a teenager's habits and actions move from an interest, even a favorite past time, to an obsession, there can be a problem.  And there is a keen difference in being a fan of something, and obsessing over it.  When "gangster rap" music came on the scene, many people tried to censor or ban it.  Kids everywhere, from the actual gangsters to suburban rich kids, quickly became enthralled with the beat, the lyrics, and the lifestyle.  Many people became fans of the music and the groups, but there were those that became obsessed.  Their dress, their friends, and their actions changed.  Many of them started committing crimes in order to validate their "street cred" with people they never knew. 

Regardless of what you feel is immoral or violent, enjoying it is one thing, obsessing over it is another.  Parents, educators, and interventionists should seek help, or begin the conversation with anyone who is displaying this trait.