10 Year Old Girl Dies After Fight At School

While the shooting in Chardon, Ohio continues to grab the nation’s attention, buried under the headlines on cnn.com is “Girl, 10, dies hours after fight at school.” 

In an all too common occurrence, two fifth grade students planned a fight after school last Friday.  The girls, ten and eleven years old, met in an alley near their school.  Surrounded by classmates, the girls fought for less than a minute and parted ways.  One of the fighters returned to school immediately after for a scheduled tutoring session.  There were no reports of the fight until after the girl complained of not feeling well and went to the hospital.  6 hours after this planned fight, 10 year old Joanna Ramos died of blunt force trauma to the head.  Grief counselors will be at the school and the fate of the 11 year old girl is uncertain at this time. 

Any YouTube search of “(insert school name here) fights” will often lead to a multitude of cell phone videos of students fighting.  While onlookers cheer and instigate the fighters, there is often no regard for safety.  Kids as young as elementary age throw each other to the ground, kick each other in the head, and slam each other’s skulls into the pavement.  Usually only after a clear advantage is gained will the onlookers break up the fight, or simply separate the fights for another round. 

In this case, there was about a 15 minute window for these girls to leave school, fight, and return to school and act as if nothing happened.  It is time for parents to wake and realize that kids, even as young as 10 years old, even girls, are capable of planning and carrying out dangerous plans without considering the consequences.  It is very cliché to say that kids are growing up in a different time, but it is a point that many do not seem to understand.  Our kids reside in a secret world.  Cellular phones and social networking have helped fuel not only the imaginations of these kids but their rage as well.  Just ten years ago, schoolyard disagreements were often forgotten about overnight.  With the advent of texting and instant messaging, kids get home after school, disappear into their online worlds, and the disagreements evolve.   They are never given the chance to die.  Unfortunately, many parents praise their kids for their technological savvy.  Many of those same parents do not know the ins and outs of texting and social networking, and they do not take the time to learn.  If a parent allows their child to partake in social networking and the freedoms associated with a cellular phone at a young age, extreme diligence and scrutiny must be paid to those accounts.  It is not an invasion of privacy for a parent to monitor their child’s activity, especially on a phone or internet service they pay for! 

Chadron, Ohio...Thoughts?

Outcast…Nice guy…2 words that do not seem to fit together nor describe the same person.  However, those words were used today to describe T. J. Lane who is accused of shooting 5 people, killing one of them, in the cafeteria of a high school about 30 miles outside of Cleveland, Ohio. 

Early reports are that the suspect was essentially minding his own business during the breakfast period prior to classes when he stood up, pulled out a handgun, and began shooting towards other students.  Witnesses report that this did not seem to be a random act.  The victims attended a different high school and were waiting there for their bus.   The shooter fled the campus and was later apprehended. 

As thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims, what about the shooter.  What prompted T. J. Lane to commit this act?  Here are a few statements made about him after the fact;

• "He was one of the nicest kids here; it was really shocking that it was him"
• "He just came from a really broken down home and he was living with his grandparents"
• "He was more of a quiet type of kid. He was really nice, though, if you did talk to him"
• "A teenager described as an outcast"
• A witness also stated that Lane may have posted about this on a social network site, but that no one took him serious. 

As more details emerge about T J Lane, it will be interesting (to some) to see what motivated him to commit this act.  How many of Bob Larson’s “6 warning signs” did he portray?  Why did he target the students he did?  As the witness pointed out, Lane was a nice kid IF he was talked to.  How many people took the time out to reach out to him?  Was he written off as the “quiet kid from a broken home” and thus was not very popular?  Was he singled out by his peers because he was different or awkward?   I think back to the “Chain Reaction” mindset or Rachel Scott and the Rachel’s Challenge program.  What if the actions of a few, maybe even one student could have altered the course of this day? 

People everywhere are posting and commenting about schools no longer being safe, cherishing every morning with their kids because no one knows where this will happen next, etc.  Parents everywhere over the next few weeks are going to caution their kids about looking out for the quiet ones, to remain vigil and alert, and have a plan in place.  How many parents are teaching their kids to reach out to those that are different?  Do we teach our kids to speak to the loners, to befriend the different, or simply not to partake in the ostracizing of those who are the victims?  

Warning Signs, Part 2

Bob Larson's second warning sign that a child may be at risk is "absence from family interaction." 

Excessive disconnect is easily recognizable, unfortunately, is it chalked up as normal teenage behavior.  While at times it is normal for teenagers to separate themselves from family interaction, there is a difference in separation and absence.  Some separation can be healthy.  Teenagers often drift off into their own worlds of music, games, computers, card games, and/or sports.  It allows them to develop their own habits, their own likes, and their own identity.  What is important is for family members, especially parents, to incorporate themselves into these activities.  Showing an interest in their likes is a way to get them back into the family circle after they have escaped to their own fantasy island. 

Unfortunately, this is often an area where parents fail, which causes those separations to turn to the unwanted, and dangerous absences.  When parents do not show an interest in their child's activities, it further reinforces the thoughts they have of separation.  It is then easier for them to drift further and further away.  In the cases of some of the most notorious school shooters, their escapes led to a point of no return.  The hatred and anger they built up towards those at school and those that tormented them was not replaced by love and interest shown by their parents.  Eventually they were all placed in one big group of "enemies" which left them alone.  With nothing to live for and no perceived love at home, the unthinkable happened.  Regardless of the actual love the parents probably did have for them, their perception was their reality. 

Parents...involve yourselves in the interests of your children.  Show them that what is important to them is also important to you. 

Warning Signs, Part 1

I recently finished reading Extreme Evil: Kids Killing Kids by Bob Larson.  A police officer friend of mine, who works in a high school, asked why I am always reading these types of books.  Another friend said, "that's not recreational reading, that's research."  Either way, I work in schools and I have children so I take in as much information as possible.  In the book, Mr. Larson goes into specific details about the more notorious school shootings.  By interviewing students at the schools and his experiences, he is able to provide insight that is often ignored by the media.  He also writes on violent video games which I have previously touched on.  Over the next few posts, I am going to detail what Mr. Larson titles, "6 Warning Signs A Child Might Be In Trouble."  Mr. Larson does a great job of finding the common traits in the perpetrators of these violent acts and is able to single out the traits that parents can observe, and get help for. 


Trait 1 - "Obsessive Involvement with Immoral and Violent Cultural Influences"

Every generation seems to have an issue with the music and the cultural norms that influence their children.  For years parents have obsessed with controlling what their kids watch on television, listen to, and take part in.  Times change, music changes, and what is allowed on television changes.  Can you remember a time when certain words were not allowed on the radio?  Do you remember who the first husband and wife to share a bed on TV were?  What does all that mean? 

The key words are obsessive, immoral, and violent.  While we cannot always impose our morals on our children, we can control the level of violence we expose them to.  We can also try to control, or curb their level of obsession.  When a teenager's habits and actions move from an interest, even a favorite past time, to an obsession, there can be a problem.  And there is a keen difference in being a fan of something, and obsessing over it.  When "gangster rap" music came on the scene, many people tried to censor or ban it.  Kids everywhere, from the actual gangsters to suburban rich kids, quickly became enthralled with the beat, the lyrics, and the lifestyle.  Many people became fans of the music and the groups, but there were those that became obsessed.  Their dress, their friends, and their actions changed.  Many of them started committing crimes in order to validate their "street cred" with people they never knew. 

Regardless of what you feel is immoral or violent, enjoying it is one thing, obsessing over it is another.  Parents, educators, and interventionists should seek help, or begin the conversation with anyone who is displaying this trait. 

New Teen Drug Habits

While not gang related, this story I read today needs to be seen by as many parents as possible.

Those of us who work in schools and with at-risk children know this all too well, but I believe the majority of parents are blind to these facts.  Children, especially teenagers, are masters innovation.  While we outlaw and prohibit illicit drugs and alcohol, we have products in our homes that kids use to get high, often with very harmful side effects.

Look at these energy drinks...Who do you think these things are being marketed to?  Children of all ages are drawn to the colors, names, and slogans used by the companies.  As the story states,

"Energy drinks are gateway for elementary school kids...They drink it like it's water. Nurses have kids coming in with heart palpitations."

How often do parents in the check out line at the local supermarket succumb to their child's wish to buy them a drink?  Parents will often deny their child a soda, but will not hesitate to but one of these. 

How many of us have cans of compressed air laying around the house?  Often stored near the family computer or under the kitchen sink with the rest of the poison products we teach our little ones to stay away from are these bottles.  The allure to kids is that the high associated with inhaling these products can be felt immediately and last for a few minutes.  We've all been made aware of the dangers of sniffing glue and gasoline type liquids, but these inexpensive cans can be just as dangerous. 

And probably the most dangerous of the new drug trends among teens are "pharmaceutical" or "Pharm" parties.  Kids, usually teenagers, raid their parents' medicine cabinets and take what they can.  Sometimes they empty the whole bottle, other times they take a few from each bottle there.  Once at the party, every one's pills are poured into a bowl and the kids take hand fulls.  It is a pharmaceutical chex mix and it can have lethal results.  Not to mention the side effects of combining these unknown pills, they are usually washed down with alcohol.  And what happens when a kid passes out as a result of taking the wrong mix?  Many times, they are laughed at for "falling asleep" or, as has been reported in several news stories in the past few years, left for dead out of fear of punishment.  If you are a parent and have prescriptions at home, child-proof tops only keep out the small kids.  Many of us lock up our guns, jewelry, and emergency cash, but we leave these pills in a readily accessible location. Often right next to our kids' chewable vitamins.  Parents need to safely store and count the number of pills they have.  It could be a life saving difference. 

Airsoft Wars

On January 4, 2012, police officers in Brownsville, Texas responded to a middle school after a 15 year old student was seen with a gun in the halls after punching another student in the face.  When the student refused to obey the commands of the officers, he was shot and killed in the hallway of Cummings Middle School.  The gun this student had turned out to be an "airsoft" style handgun with the orange tip removed. 

If you take a trip to Walmart, Sears, and specialty knife shops in your local mall, you may see displays of very realistic looking firearms hanging on the wall.  The prices range from less than $10 for small, cheaply made handguns to several hundreds of dollars for heavy, metallic, military style rifles, fully equipped with lights and laser sights.  The only thing which sets these apart from real firearms are the orange-tipped muzzles which are legally required. 

A quick Google search of "airsoft wars" reveals various websites listing rules and play-styles for various role-playing or simulation type war games.  Several sites also state that police and military agencies use airsoft weapons for simulation training because of the realistic look and feel of the weapons.  While this may be a very cost effective and useful tool for these agencies, the indiscriminate parent who succumbs to the wish of their child can be in for a horrific awakening. 

Don't get me wrong.  There is nothing wrong with buying your child an airsoft rifle.  Participating in a controlled and supervised airsoft battle can be very exciting and stimulating.  the problem comes in when parents allow their child (or ignore them) and the airsoft is taken to school or to the community.  Many kids decide to remove the orange tip from their gun to make it look real.  While many people chalk this up to "teenage behavior" it can also be used as a test run to carrying a real pistol. 

The main problem, which for the 15 year old in Brownsville proved deadly, is when kids use these "weapons" in a threatening manner towards others, including police officers.  With the orange tip removed, and often at night, kids take to the streets.  When these guns are used in aggressive ways, the consequences can be deadly.